Episode 5: Emotions
It was because they wanted us to be like this. If you would have asked me back then if I was happy to be alive, I would have responded with a blank stare. I wasn’t sure what happy was. Sometimes late at night, back at the pits, we would lay under the purple haze, quivering in the cold. And sometimes, when we weren’t thinking of tactics to stay alive, we could hear the pit commander, Kilja, speaking to some of the lower Rotunda members of “happiness”?
I was always depressed. I was always scared; the emptiness of my stomach never went without butterflies. And this is why humanity was slowly beginning to disappear. Not because the Rotundra, or the Reptillian race in general wanted us gone, no, that had nothing to do with it, it was because we often took our own lives.
Well haven’t you ever thought about it? What if some specific event left life without purpose? Better yet, what if this same event erased all memory of this purpose EVER existing? You have no shoulder to cry on, no loved ones to rely on, hell, you don’t even have yourself. Because during this time, we were fodder, laborers, and servants. That’s it. Nothing more.
It was cold, and due to countless Rotundra hunters and stray Reptillians, a fire was simply out of the question. We were trying the impossible task of getting some sleep, but something… amazing happened. I can reiterate this story as if it were yesterday, because this was the day where everything really began to change for me.
I had managed to doze off against the Catsora walls, but only for a brief moment. A cold surge overtook me, and with a violent shudder… the butterflies were gone. For the first time I felt alive. I wanted to be here, I wanted to exist and it wasn’t because I feared what lied on the other side of life, but because I wanted to experience life itself.
I gasped deeply taking in the sweetest air the world had to offer and he leaned to the wall next to me. He wasn’t sleeping, but instead, I could see the white in his eyes gazing to me through the dark. His black suit made him very difficult to see, but his skin was fairly pale and I could make him out ever so slightly.
“Nick,” I asked crawling on my hands and knees closer to him.
“Yes?” he muttered silently.
“Where did you come from?” I asked him, “Why are you here?”
He was silent for a moment, but with a slow breath and a long sigh he replied, “One of these days Adam, I’ll tell you, but right now you’re not ready.”
“Ready? I just want to know the truth. You don’t understand. I feel… I don’t know… I feel… real. I feel human. I can feel the blood pulsing through my veins. I’m not fearful of this dark cavern, nor am I skittish of what’s inside it… I… I don’t have a master. I never had one. I was…”
“free from your first breath…” Nick finished my sentence, “you didn’t have the ability to sense emotion? Happiness, sadness, fear?”
“Yes… only fear. I’ve had brief moments, but… the needle.”
“Needle?” Nick asked rising slowly from his resting place.
“Yes. Every human in the pit had to be stuck with a needle once a day. It’s one of the mandates of supreme beings set forth by the five kings of the Rotundra. I never understood why.”
Nick slowly lied back, “and you say this Rotundra group, they dig in the earth often?”
“Yes,” I responded.
“Irony,” he said with a slight snicker.
“What’s irony?” I asked.
“Something that doesn’t matter.” He rolled his eyes, “ listen… a very long time ago, there was a large war. Humanity killing it’s self.”
“I don’t understand. Why would you ever kill another human?”
“Yeah… seems silly now doesn’t it. Well at the time, this wasn’t exactly the mentality. Of course, only certain people would ever consider the slaying of another individual, but the innocent had the right to protect themselves.”
“The five kings mandate humans be taught one thing. That it is their fault the world stands dark and unlivable. That we caused it.”
“Adam…. I hate to say this, but the lizards are right.”
“So we do owe them?”
“No…” he quickly responded. “It’s because of nuclear war those stupid geckoes exist in the first place. You see… we had amazing capabilities. Small bombs that could clear life from hundreds of square feet of land, transportation that could get you from one point on the globe to the other in a matter of several hours, and well… what I think the Rotundra might have ‘dug up’.”
“Dug up?”
“Yes. From the sound of it, the Rotundra are looking for old human technology so that they may learn and further keep the human race under control. I could hardly imagine how great of a discovery this was for them. It was an injection that could render a certain specimen emotionless for hours. It was developed sometime around 2110 and the specimen could only sense fear. It was for interrogation purposes.”
I took a moment to soak it in. This was the only life I had ever known. It was all a lie. “I’m sorry,” I said in a whisper, “there are some words you’re using that I don’t understand. I only know words I’ve heard the Rotundra or other slaves use, but I think I understand you. So what happened after the human war?”
He rolled over towards the wall, “that’s another story for another time. Try to get some sleep Tomorrow will be a busy day. I have one question, though. Now that you know the truth about your masters… how do you feel?”
I shook my head slightly, “I feel… I…. I hate them.”
It might have been dark, but I know I saw him smirk before he rolled over and replied with a snicker, “good boy”.